Newsletter

Welcome to the Newsletter for ChangeWorks Life Coaching 

November, 2005

There is the pain of changing or the pain of not changing...It's up to you

Written by: Maureen Fannin, LCSW

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What is in this issue?

1. Introduction: The holidays are here again!
2. What is New!
3. Shattering The Glass Ceiling Within: The Romance Myth
4. Quote of the Month
5. Coaching Topic of the Month: Just Hold On.
6. Additional Quotes
7. Psychotherapy & Coaching Services

1. Introduction:

It's hard to believe that the holiday season is already
here. The stores are already filling up with holiday lights,
snowmen, and other creatures that decorate our lawns during the
winter months. It can be a very stressful time for everyone.
Take some time before the season gets in full swing and make a
list of your priorities and what is important in your life.
Remember that stress makes a person feel like everything is an emergency. Getting your holiday greetings are out is not an emergency! It doesn't all have to be perfect. Enjoy!

2. What is New?

I'm actually getting this newsletter out right on time which has
not happened in awhile. It's a good feeling when things are
working.

3. Shattering the Glass Ceiling Within-This section of the
newsletter focuses on assisting women in overcoming personal
barriers to live a happier and more joyful life by improving
their financial and emotional lives.

The Romance Myth-

I'm sure that these title songs are familiar. Rescue Me, by
Aretha Franklin, or Emotional Rescue by the Rolling
Stones. There is nothing more alluring in our culture than the
thought of being rescued. The thought of someone coming into our
lives and making all that is wrong right again is something
everyone can relate to. Women have long been exposed to the
rescue fantasy and its promises through fairy tales and dreams
of finding Mr. Right. There are many women out there who can
detect myth from reality, but still the dream seems to have a
found a place in our collective unconscious.

Mikelann Valterra in her book Why Women Earn Less states, "The
Romance Myth creates the idea that a woman will always be taken
care of. The Romance Myth plays on a woman's fear of being
abandoned, and her secret wish of being rescuedif a woman only
[0] behaves "properly [0] " by putting other people's needs
before her own and giving up her own dreams and goals, she will
be protected. She will not have to go out into the cruel world
and fend for herself." These are difficult words to
assimilate. They may even cause you to ask yourself, "Do I feel
this way?"" Do I secretly [0] want to be rescued?" Well, let me
reassure you that on some level everyone wants to be
rescued. The state lotteries are giving away incredible amounts
of money on everyone's dream of "hitting it big" where the only
effort expended is buying a ticket.

But the Romance Myth is something different. It's incorporated
into the minds of young girls from an early age. It's not that I
want to extinguish the romantic dream of meeting "Mr. Right". We
all want to fall in love and there is an element of being
rescued in any romantic relationship. But statistics show that
ninety percent of woman will find themselves alone in their
lifetime according to a study done by The National Endowment for
Financial Education (NEFE) and AARP which co-sponsored a study
in February of 2000 to explore critical issues facing American
women today. This may occur through divorce, death of spouse or
through a medical tradegy. It's important that women empower
themselves both financially and emotionally.

Is there a moral to the story? Help is always available in our
lives. I believe that it's everyones moral obligation to assist
others. But there are limits to being rescued. Allowing
yourself to be rescued helps in the short term, but life has a
way of forcing you to deal with what you want to escape. For
example, I watched a show the other night on using gastric
bypass surgery to lose weight. The woman on the show, I'll call
her Kathy, lost 70 pounds as a result of the surgery. Though the
surgery had saved her life in many ways, it was not the total
answer.

A year after the surgery Kathy started to struggle again with
her poor eating habits and her difficulty with exercising. The
surgery rescued her from feelings of hunger by shrinking her
stomach but it did not rescue her from the underlying issues
that caused her obesity. She spent the next year of her life
working on coping with her negative feelings that caused her to
eat. This required her to go into therapy and cope with painful
emotional memories that she had been avoiding most [0] of her
life.

Kathy now has a greater sense of personal empowerment and self
esteem by conquering the underlying issues that were paralyzing
her life. This would not have occurred if she had stopped short
of the surgery and did not begin the processes of rescuing
herself. Whether you're looking for a financial rescue or an
emotional rescue there is nothing more empowering than taking
your life into your own hands.

Action Plan

1. Are there areas in your life where you are waiting for
someone else to make things better? If so, what could you do
to make the situation better?
2. Are there areas of your life that you are avoiding? If so,
make a list of three things that you could do to get started
on dealing with this issue? Also, explore what you are
avoiding? Is it a feeling? Is it a person? Is it a
situation? Understanding your avoidance is the first step in
conquering it.

4. Quote of the month (poem)

After A While Author: Veronica A. Shoffstall

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a
hand and chaining a soul and you learn love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents
aren't always promises and you begin to accept your defeats with
your head up and and your eyes ahead with the grace of a woman,
not the grief of a child.

And you learn to build all your roads on today because
tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have a
way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too
much.

So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead
of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure, that you really are
strong and you really do have worth and you learn and you learn
with every good-bye you learn.

5. Coaching Topic of the Month: Just Hold On

I feel like a fraud writing about the book A Million Little
Pieces since I have not read it. It's not for lack of trying. I
went to the book store to buy it but they were sold out. Even
the distributor was out of copies. It's on order thanks to
Amazon.com. But it may take awhile to get it. I did read an
exerpt of the book on line which gave me a feel for the book
which is raw and candid.

The book is about James Frey experience of overcoming
his addiction to drugs and alcohol. He writes the book in first
person and begins by telling the reader how he woke up one day
on an airplane with his front teeth knocked out, a hole in his
cheek and his face swollen. The blood from his mouth wakes him
up. He has no idea where he is, how he got there or where he is
going. He cannot remember the last two weeks of his life. From
the first page you are hooked.

You may have watched him discussing his book on a recent Oprah
Winfrey Show (yes I watch a lot of Oprah!) The book is about how
he transforms his life There is a simple phrase that seems to
convey the message in his book- "just hold on". This is the
message that pulls him through his horrible ordeal of detoxing
from drugs and alcohol. He says, "if you hold on long enough
things will get better."

There is a great deal of wisdom in this simple
phrase. Making changes in life creates considerable fear and
anxiety. Sometimes the changes seem unbearable such as
recovering from drug addiction or as small as getting
organized. But telling yourself to "just hold on" can get you
through. The "just holding on" part in action can mean many
things. For example, just holding on can mean keeping to your
healthy eating plan no matter how much you want to eat those
McDonald's french fries, or sending out a hundred resumes in the
hopes of getting just one response. It can mean getting up
everyday despite feeling depressed and unmotivated, or just
getting through the day while on Chemo therapy. Even if you feel
like you're holding on by a thread- just hold on and things will
get better.

ACTION PLAN:

1. If there is something in your life that is causing you
pain or hardship, find ways to help yourself hold on and see
your life getting better.

2. Read A Million Little Pieces ( I know I will)

6. Additional Quotes: "A journey of a thousand miles begins with
the first step". Chinese proverb.

7. Psychotherapy & Life Coaching Services- I provide individual,
couples and family therapy in my psychotherapy practice. I am
currently accepting clients in my Manassas office. Please
contact me at 703-626-0381.

I also provide individual and group coaching and conduct
seminars and workshops. Please contact me at
ChangeWorks@braemarnet.com [0] or visit my website at
www.ChangeWrks.net [1]. I am also accepting referrals for
coaching.

Good Luck and have a great month! See you next time!

Maureen Fannin, LCSW


ChangeWorks Psychotherapy & Life Coaching Services 9315 Center Street Suite 204 Manassas, VA. 20110 Phone: (703)626-0381 E-Mail Changeworks@braemarnet.com