Newsletter

Welcome to the Newsletter for ChangeWorks Life Coaching 

June 2006

There is the pain of changing or the pain of not changing...It's up to you

Written by: Maureen Fannin, LCSW

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Women's Life Coaching Group-

Summer is a great time for personal transformation.  Life tends
to slow down and the days are longer leaving you more time to
concentrate on making positive changes in your life.

I am considering doing a Women's Life Coaching Group focusing on
helping women accomplish personal transformation over the summer
months.  This group would be appropriate for any goals whether
it is weight loss, personal fiances, relationship changes, or
creating a more balanced life.

This group would not be covered by insurance but the cost would
be lower depending on how many women want to participate.  I am
hoping to offer the group at $30 per session.

Group is a great way to grow and gain support from other women.
Remember women grow in connection with others. If you are
interested, please send me at e-mail at mfchangeworks@aol.com
[0] or call me at 703-626-0381.  This is an in person group and
not a telegathering.

Warmly,

Maureen Fannin, LCSW
June 2006 Issue.

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A Note from Maureen

Officially summer has finally started. I hope that you are going
to have a wonderful time this summer and take some time off to
enjoy the sunshine.

Again, I'm late getting this newsletter out but better late
than never. This month's newsletter is focusing on the inner
barrier of resentment. Don't let your summer be ruined by
unresolved resentment in your life. Take a look at this month's
quote of the month of resentment. It is one of my favorite
quotes and "oh so true!"

I hope you enjoy this month's newsletter.

: <A HREF="http://www.mailermailer.com/rd?http://changeworksempowermentblog.blogspot.com">http://www.mailermailer.com/rd?http://changeworksempowermentblog.blogspot.com</A>

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What's new- GirlWorks! Group Therapy for school age and
adolescent girls

GirlWorks is launched! We have our first group running on
saturday mornings for the 9 to 11 year olds. I am hoping to have
middle school group starting in the Fall that will address the
issue of relational aggression between girls. It is a much needed
group in our community.

If you have ever had your daughter come home crying from school
because her friends are ignoring her you have experienced the
impact of relational aggression.

What is GirlWorks- a group therapy program that I am developing
for school age and adolescent girls. The mission of GirlWorks is
to offer girls a place where they can explore their feelings,
thoughts, actions, values and choices in a safe and nurturing
environment. At GirlWorks, we support independent thinking,
creative expression of feelings, and work toward promoting a
sense of empowerment in the lives of girls.

For more information on GirlWorks, please contact me at contact
me at 703-626-0381 or e-mail me at mfchangeworks@aol.com. I am in
the process of getting this information on my website at
www.ChangeWrks.net. Most insurance will be accepted.

Click here to find out more about GirlWorks: http://www.Changewrks.net

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Things Will Be Different For My Daughter

This section is designed to help improve the social and emotional
lives of girls.

Taking Girls Seriously

Do you ever find yourself rolling your eyes when your
daughter talks about the "little dramas" that occur at
school with her friends? Sometimes it's hard for
parents to take seriously the bickering, and fighting
that happens at school. The seriousness become clearer
when she comes home from school reduced to tears
because her friends are spreading rumors or excluding
her from the group.

You may find yourself wanting to respond with, "just don't
let it bother you... She will forget all about it tomorrow,
or just go and apologize and things will be better."
Sometimes that advice works and sometimes it doesn't.

The "drama" that goes on in girls lives now has an
official name- Relational Aggression. There is nothing
more painful than a young girl at a lunch table all by
herself while her friends are all huddled together
ignoring her for no apparent reason. Female psychology is
centered on connection with others and being isolated can
have profound effects. How she handles situations with
her peers now may impact how she handles social
relationships in the future.

Relational aggression focuses primarily on damaging girls
social connections. It refers to any act that actively
excludes a person from making or maintaining friendships or
being integrated into the peer group. Examples of relational
aggression, but are not limited to spreading rumors,
exclusion, social isolation, gossiping, eye rolling,
purposefully pitting friends against one another, using
sarcasm at other's expense, revealing secrets, and/or
embellishing rumors.

The good news is there is a lot of support and information now
to help young girls cope with relational aggression. There are
some great books available that deal with the topic, Rachel
Simmons book Odd Girl Out and Roslyn Wiseman's book Queen Bees
and Wannabees: Helping your daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip,
Boyfriends and Other Realities of Adolescence are two great
resources for parents. Here are some following tips to help
communicate with daughter and relational aggression.

•Keep communication open with your daughter and try not to
dismiss her feelings as silly or just normal girl stuff.

•Give her tools to express her feelings appropriately. For
example learning to make "I" statements. I feel ________ when
you_______ because _____________

•Help your daughter develop positive activities outside of school
that help them maintain a strong sense of self.

•Encourage your daughter to focus on her strengths and not her
weaknesses

•Help your daughter understand what being a good friend's means.

•Instead of lecturing, asks powerful questions. This allows your
daughter to think instead of you doing the thinking for them.
For example. A good friend would not talk about you behind your
back. (Lecturing) What do you think makes a good friend?
(powerful question) Posing a question in this way makes her do
the thinking.

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Shattering The Glass Ceiling Within- The focus of this section is
to assist women in shattering their self imposed limitations in
order to create a life that fulfills their ultimate potential.

The Barriers within- The Myth of Sisyphus and Resentment

Most of us have probably heard about the Greek myth of Sisyphus
who was condemned by the Gods to ceaselessly roll a rock to the
top of a mountain only to have it roll back down. This was his
task for eternity. The Gods felt that there is no other
punishment more horrible than futile and hopeless labor.

This story is a great analogy to describe the way resentment
works in our lives. Resentment is futile and hopeless labor.
You finally get that rock up the hill and then resentment
seeps into your consciousness putting you right back to
where you started. There is little growth when resentment is
directing your life.

Resentment is defined by Webster's dictionary as a bad
sense, strong displeasure; anger; hostility provoked by a
wrong or injury experienced. We hold on to our resentment
for reasons that are not always clear. However, one thing is
very clear about resentment. It keeps you connected
spiritually and emotionally to whatever experience produced
these negative feelings. It keeps you stuck in time.

Holding on to resentment changes nothing. It doesn't free us
from the past or rewrite history. It certainly doesn't
change those who have committed harm against us. They are
going on with life and most likely your resentment is not
their concern. Resentment only affects the afflicted person.
It prevents further personal growth and personal freedom.
Resentment redefined is blocked anger. Resentment is the
half way mark. Many women stop at resentment because they
fear the consequences of expressing their anger in positive
and healthy ways. Here are some common blocks to anger:

•Fear of rejection
•Need for approval
•Intimidation
•Need to keep the peace
•Desire to please others
•Dependency on others
•Need for control
•Fear of anger
•Fear of conflict/confrontation

This is certainly not an exhaustive list but it does call
attention to the underlying reasons why we may hold on to our
resentments rather than doing the necessary work in order to let
them go. The summer months are a time to slow down and examine
your life. It can be a great time to focus on personal growth.
Take a look the following questions, and explore some of the
resentments that might be holding you back.

1.Are there people in my life that I find it difficult to
forgive, or who produce other negative feelings in my life?

2.How do I express myself when I am angry with others?

3.Am I direct or indirect in expressing my anger? Indirect anger
is sarcasm or disguised humor.

4.How often is my anger blocked?

5.How is overcoming blocked anger important to my happiness?

Much of the information for this article was found at the
following site. http://www.coping.org/anger/blocks.htm.

Click here and visit my blog to find out more about the Imposter Syndrome: <A HREF="http://www.mailermailer.com/rd?http://www.changeworksempowermentblog.blogspot.com">http://www.mailermailer.com/rd?http://www.changeworksempowermentblog.blogspot.com</A>

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Quote of the Month

"Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to
die." Alcoholics Annonymouse

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Coaching topic of The Month- Overcoming Resentment

Life Coaching Corner-

Now that you're aware of what rock you are hopelessly
trying to get up that hill. You are probably wondering
how you begin to rid yourself of the resentments that are
stealing the joy out of your life. Like any kind of
change, freeing yourself from the pain of resentment is a
process. Here is a brief synopsis of how to begin.

Step One- Identify the source of your resentment.

Step Two- Allow yourself to feel your angry feelings. Anger is a
healthy emotion since it tells us that something is wrong. How
you express anger is often where the trouble begins.

Step Three- Develop positive ways of expressing your anger. Here
are some suggestions

•Read a book on assertiveness training.

•Keep a daily log of your feelings. This helps maintain
awareness.

•Role play with someone you trust on angry confrontation.

•Accept that anger is a necessary step in grieving and
accepting loss.

•Start expressing your negative feelings with those you trust and
move on to more difficult situations as you improve your
communication skills.

•Ask for feedback from those around you on how you express anger.

•Make "I" statements. Yeah, we have all heard of them but rarely
do we use them.

Step Four- Limit relationships with toxic people.

•Resentment often develops continuously from people that are
toxic to your self esteem. Identifying these individuals can free
your from a great deal of pain.

Step Five- Begin to incorporate positive ways of reducing stress

•Eating right and exercising helps to elevate mood.

•Surround yourself with positive and supportive people.

Good Luck!


Psychotherapy & Life Coaching Services

I provide individual, couples and family therapy in my psychotherapy practice.  I am currently accepting clients in my Manassas office.  Please contact me at 703-626-0381.

I also provide individual and group coaching and conduct seminars and workshops.  Please contact me at ChangeWorks@braemarnet.com or visit my website at www.ChangeWrks.net.  I am also accepting referrals for coaching.

Good Luck and have a great month!  See you next time!

Maureen Fannin, LCSW


ChangeWorks Psychotherapy & Life Coaching Services 9315 Center Street Suite 204 Manassas, VA. 20110 Phone: (703)626-0381 E-Mail Changeworks@braemarnet.com